Trust and Tarry no more.

Revision has been fruitful thus far only for Singapore Society. But I shall continue to remember that it takes effort to turn disappointments into sacrifices. Recent happenings have also affected me in ways that are quite unexpected. I feel pain too in my own ways. But yet, am thankful of this consciousness that have developed which reminds me to turn back to God in supplication and thanksgiving.

A need to be broken down by God has suddenly become so urgent in view of recent developments. Trust and tarry no more.

Some recent events:

There is a longing only You can fill, a raging tempest only You can still.

Lately, I have been thinking about this set of values that I came up which I like to see in my future spouse, and I want to update it, because God has refined it in the period of 12 months since I last wrote it. Value (2) has been modified, and values sixth to eighth are new ones.

That said, we do not keep an eye open for people, but just to serve God wholeheartedly and leave things to him, and pray that He will touch us and put a burden in us with the right people in His own good time. The list is just so that I can let God continue to refine it, and appreciate such a character when she appears. : )

1) Values God: She has to be a Christian who values the love and power of God in every facet of her life. This quality very much says a lot of things.

2) Knowledgeable and Expansive: I need someone who can connect with me spiritually and intellectually. Someone who I can be just being myself; a work always in progress.

3) Honesty: I don’t mind a person with past emotional baggage. What is important is for the woman to want to walk in the light of Jesus. “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” – John 8:12

4) Love herself: She must know how to love herself as God has love her. She has to honour herself and know where her physical boundaries lie. Strong bonds with her family will be important and appreciated.

5) Character: An original, humourous and independent character is highly regarded. Relationships need many doses of humour, originality helps to create a distinctive character, and independence means that we give each other “space in togetherness.”

6) Effective Servants in Christ: Being in a relationship should enhance both of our abilities to serve God together, and not diminish it because we have to spend time ‘maintaining’ the relationship.

7) Passion: A passion for the work/study that God has called Him or Her into.

Courage: Someone who always encourage and support me in doing the right things, even if it means that I have to be different from what the world tells me. She is inspirational by virtue of the fact that I want to refine myself so that I can be the best tool for God to use, and a complete partner for her.

Search Results.

WordPress has this neat function which shows the search terms that people type in the various search engines and reached my blog. I have people looking for ‘Dr Pauline Cheong, Gleneagles”, “Weichao”, “Grace Koh VCF” and the latest, “Shen Kiat IFG”. I was a bit pleasantly bemused by the last term. : )  I wonder who in the world will want to associate me with IFG. I hope this meant that I must have been doing something good in my cgs’ education drive. : )

I love mrbeasley. But maybe it is time to move on eventually too. : ) Anyway, Happy Birthday Jie!! Quarter of a century. *grinz. Cya next week! Exam prep week but let’s do something together. : )

Send Me Lord.

主告訴我如何献上我的生命 帶希望入人群中
主告訴我如何付出我的关怀 將温暖帶入世界
我看到灵魂中的忧伤 孤独中人的心在角落颤抖
差遣我 差遣我 我原付出我所有
差遣我到需要祢的人群中
充满我 充满我 用你爱来充满我
再一次紧握他们的手

这是我心中的祷告…

Everything I have is Yours.

Today has been supremely good day. It was a good time of recharging during our last cg of the semester, a good time of worshipping led by Nicole and me, followed by a treat by our fantastic CGL again in Nicole at Munchie Monkeys which sells delicious vanilla ice-cream and hot chocolate fudge cakes and chicken primevera spaghetti. Dawn, Lai Peng, Joy Clement and I were around. Nearly full attendance minus Michelle only. : ) Had a good time of sharings and writing blessings for each other. I feel absolutely loved, and I think they feel that too. My evil twin Joy revealed that when she first saw me, she was wondering who is this noisy guy and she thought she don’t want to be friends with me; but now she thanks God everytime for me. : ) Glad that among my heavy suaning, I must be doing something right during those times when I’m supposed to be serious at least. : )

Got something from GK too! It was this tagboard type of thing that was very sweetly done. My cg people were so curious about it! They thought it was from a “special one”. But I have to admit GK has been a blessing in many ways this year, and I’m really blessed to have seen more than others and be encouraged by the few people I really considered to be nearly there already, or at least on the right path – true women and men of God. So thanks GK for your friendship. : )

I saw Weiting today too. She finally passed me a card that she wrote for me the week before, which I didn’t get it because I wasn’t punctual enough. It was one of the most articulate, genuine and moving letters that I’ve received in my life. It has been long since somebody tells me I’ve been his or her answered prayer for a friend. And if you want me, of course I want you la! Lol! Jokes aside, I’m glad that the ways I’ve treated friendships have brought glory to the Lord, and I hope that I can continue to learn and grow with the friends, new and old around me.

Ended the day with a long talk with Yiwen in Becky’s room after CG. Saw my Totoro Card hanging above her desk! *grin. Was doing my tutorial as I waited for Yiwen, Sarah and Becky (who is the epitome of coolness with her guitar skills: potential suitors can either go brush up their guitar skills or demonstrate other talents. Becky is a smart girl too! So beware!) practicing for the worship session for Fellowship Teachings (FTs) tomorrow at Science. Becky went off to meet her friends at supersnacks while Sarah went back to her room with Becks. Had a long sharing with Yiwen about some issues that are close to my heart and hear her back in return. We talked for so long that Becky had enough time to come back and joined us for the latter part of our conversation. The 3 of us ended the conversations by quieting our hearts and prayed while I was touched to close for us. I got to learn again on a higher level what does it mean to share in weal and woe with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

I shall end with this verse that Joy wrote in my blessing card: “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.” – Isaiah 54:2.

团契是家

我们都有属于自己的家
虽然不是最理想
却是我们生活成长的地方
不要恋爱别人的月亮

我们都有属于自己的家
虽然不是最理想
却是我们归回安息的地方
要用爱去建立我们的家

这里是我们生活成长的地方
这里有我们年轻的理想
有我们的家我们的朋友
给我们欢笑的地方
虽然有眼泪
但这里是我们的家

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Church today was one of renewal. It was good to see all the children again after being absent last week because of the Gcube Retreat, and to sit beside Weijie and Xiwen during service, and eat otar and prata in church with Weijie, Diwei, Min Min, Francine and talk to others. I love the feeling of home.

Xiwen, Weijie and Min Min at separate moments asked me how was the dinner with Jianhui the previous day. Heh. I’m writing this down so you know JH! How everyone misses you even when they are having fun.

Hui Cheng laoshi left for Melbourne today. Before she left, we had a good talk and a good hug too! I got a good hug from Min Min too, the ones that make you feel so loved and want to hold on. People like them gives me a sort of strength that no amount of logic and reasoning and will-power can ever provide. : )

Two more weeks to the exams. I must jiayou again for the last lap.

Photo Log.

Happy 22nd Safri aka Abang. : ) Your one of the better things to have come out of my JC life! God Bless! Or Allah as you like it. *grinz. Pray you survive on less sticks each day.

‘Saving Grace’ at UCC With Elroy and Adrian, my good but neglected buddies… I hope the exams finish soon so I can make up to them for the time that I’ve spent on serving & school. & waiting for Zihao to be back too and complete the Fab Four.

I like the way Jo screws up her face as she talks to God. It is so childlike that the stressed up me was put at ease as I hear her pray. : )

Probably one of the prettiest but yet photo shy friends that I have. : ) Thanks for the lunch and the prayers! Thank God we have time to fellowship until September at the very least.! : )

151.

I was tired (even though I accomplished NOTHING in school) and I decided to go home early today after getting my books in the library. It was a tight squeeze on the new and spacious 151 and there were times I almost fell over with my books and laptops in my right hand and an ungainly balance derived from having my hand left desperately clinging onto something.

There were pockets of stories unraveling in front of me as I stood in the bus for the entire journey (nearly from one interchange to another). Times like these of being squeezed to pieces enable me to appreciate what I have and not live in my own world that everybody else in this world has a car to drive on weekends at least.

When 151 went past Uni Sim and Ngee Ann poly, there was another load of students who boarded the bus. There were the usual schooling couples, young and carefree with their hands at compromising positions, and a few who look genuinely in love, all in their own world. I imagine a cocoon wrapping each of us in our own world, separating us from the world this is always passing us by. No wonder that there is this saying that tells us to ‘disconnect so that we can connect’.

My attention started to fixed on this lady couple standing right in front of me and having a mini-quarrel. I’m not sure what they were quarreling about, but deep in my heart, as the rays of the sun continue to warm the bus, that they will not let the anger simmer even after the sun sets.

I turn myself into a more permanent position where I can look out of the big wide windows of the new bus. I looked at the cars on the roads and how the majority only carry the driver and no extra passengers. These views were contrasted by lorries carrying a full-load of foreign workers at the back, exposed to the elements. Heh. I guess one cannot substitute comfort and convenience for the greater good of the world aka battling greenhouse emissions. I can fully understand how at the end of a tiring day, one wants to get home fast and in comfort too, especially if they can afford it. The problem isn’t about cars, or air travel, but about the way we live our lives. Like a merry-go-round.

151 then passed by Bukit Timah road and the usual schools along the road. I kept a look-out for Dijie and Ziyan from HC and NYGS but no, it was all strange faces in a all too familiar uniform. I was reminded of my dream to go back to the school and walk on its hallowed grounds when I have a girlfriend next time, and tell her one of the greatest stories in the period of my life. Amidst all the examination preparation stress and essays to write, I am in no delusion to what I’m working so hard for, and I’m glad for this certain sense of purpose given to me by God. And I do secretly harbour hopes that the time when I’m able to walk the hallowed grounds with the lady that I trust and love will not be too soon away.

The thoughts soon fade away as we went past Whitely road, scenes of a great escape by Mas Selamat, who still evade capture. I seriously pray that Singapore will not be hit by a calamity too great as a result of this incident.

I got down at the bus-stop outside St Andrews Village. There were two separate groups of students (from the primary school side) learning how to do ruck-and-mauls on their synthetic field. The school’s water-polo team were training too. And I imagined again the sense of joy and purposefulness playing a sport can give you. And indeed, those have been the times that I have missed and still missing. The same feelings greeted me when I watched a play directed by a good friend at the UCC and thought about my own drama days, or the days when I’m involved in music. All these experiences have been good, but nothing, absolutely nothing beats the time that I had as a Chinese High rugger.

Spending 1 hour standing on a crowded bus reminded me why I chose to stay on campus. As I took the 15 minute work back to my house, I saw loads of PRC construction workers sitting by the road side after an enervating day of work waiting to be ferried back to their hostels so that they can rest and enjoy their weekends. Opposite the curb where they were sitting lies a gleaming new condominium where I’m going to move to soon from my big and cosy abode that I’ve called my home for the all my life thus far.

Even though it is only the starting of April, 2008 has already adopted a distinct shape and character of its own.

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Me & my Sunday school class again. We took a picture for 陈传道 who is leaving us to go back to Malaysia. Am so glad that Elvin is taking on the role of compiling these pictures. I recalled how he tried to know us better by joining us boys for soccer during our church camp in Desaru last year in June, and how I got to know him better after hearing his sermons and did translation for him, as a pastor and as a friend. : ) Going to miss him when he is gone, but at this juncture of my life, have grown used to the coming and goings of people.

 

This picture is taken by Adeline for 传道 too. Even when other people from my group seems to grow further apart after acquiring a love life, work and other commitments, I thank God for a sister like Yiqing who understands how university life is like, and for faithfully keeping each other in prayer every week without fail, despite our busyness. : ) I hope the cell group that we are starting will bring all of us closer together again.

This is for the PGP supper fellowship that we have every Sunday when the Singaporeans return back to our residence. : ) (It started with Sarah a month ago when she asked us to share in her donuts and some of us just brought food to contribute, and then it turned out to be a weekly thing). from left to right: Sarah, Becky, Matthew, Yiwen and Me. (missing Jeremy, Kenneth and Han Wern who had a deadline to meet).

Christian fellowships like this a group of believers gather around and worship God through fellowship at any available location helped made tiring weeks in school more sustainable. : )

Long day journey into the night.

It was nice ranting to Jo some of the problems that I had. I haven’t rant in a long time Lord. Her nice cutesy beautifully bluish fonts cheered me up quite a bit – on top of picturing her speaking those words out. It is also quite amazing in that in the few times that I talked to her, she will always be able to point out a similarity that I share with Teck Tee. Haha. Seems like he can be my evil twin soon.

And I pray that as I keep up living a more prayerful life Lord, that I can keep track of the refining through fire moments that shaped me into the man I am tomorrow.

The Lord said nothing.

Patience and trust, even in the midst of the monotony of your daily routine, will be the best preparation to courageously handle the stress and strain of a greater opportunity, which God may someday send.

Being still isn’t a character flaw. God stood in the power of stillness, the holy and silent lamb. It is good to recognise there is a place of stillness that allows God the opportunity to work for us and give us peace. It is a stillness that ceases our scheming, self-vindication, and the search for a temporary means to an end through our own wisdom and judgement. Instead, it lets God provide an answer, through His unfailing and faithful love, to the cruel blow we have suffered.

I pray for this silent power and submissive spirit.