Flexibility to the will of God.

“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

-Matthew 11:29

Unconditional love is so hard to accept sometimes. To sum things up, I walked out of my first paper today wondering whether I could ever live the way I felt God wanted me to live. To study so hard and feel so lousy after the paper. I’m feeling a mounting resistance to God’s spirit. Talking to GK on the way home although she was trying to be encouraging, somehow made me felt worse instead. Compounded to that my mom and my sis asked me how did I do and I didn’t know how to reply. All it took was an examination to make me feel so wasted. And the rest isn’t over yet.

The tensions during examination period can make you feel weaker than normal and more susceptible to sin, especially with supremely lousy thoughts about myself. Di Song said my last week’s worth of events probably took subconscious toil.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.’

-1Peter 1:3

I took some time out to pray, and to reflect on the verses that my friends have sent me and encouraged me. Praying for my friends who are taking their exams, giving thanks to the Lord for seeing us through today, and asking the God to turn my disappointments into a sacrifices which can be used to display His glory all helped to prevent me from turning inwardly and close myself up to the great glory that God is displaying in my environment, which I couldn’t see because I blind myself to it.

I’m leaving many things left unsaid, but I like to end by saying that amidst all these struggling thoughts, I still firmly believe there can be no other more awesome being for me to leave my burdens and essentially, my whole life with. And I pray that too God continues to break me down and humble me so that I can be used greatly by Him.