lovingly lovably love.

God blessed my entire journey today by putting fellow christian/non-christian friends to guide me around in school and outside today. I could have feel lost, but I didn’t. Thank God for his guidance.

Reading my bud’s entry gave me a sense of enlightenment albeit from an irony. On that very same Sunday, I was thinking how blessed that my buddy seems to be so complete and loved by the people around in church, more than I felt I’ve ever achieved in my first year. In fact, now and then, I still get scolding from teachers for some of the mistakes I’ve made due to bad management of time and planning, like the planned rehearsal last Sunday, though when I looked back overall at the past month, I am pleased with the improvements in my time management and study habits. 

Then again, I knew that’s something not totally right with my bud. Yet at the same time, I realised that there are times when I knew what was wrong, I could not convince anybody until my bud admits it himself. That’s because he is loved as a leader, and people wait for him to speak.

I think my buddy is blessed with information. He knows a lot of things that I don’t, and he constantly updates himself on the lives of other people. In fact, he reminds me of my old self a few years back. But I realised it is unrealistic to keep it up, and there are people who grow up to replace us and the energy that we bring. Though I’m pretty mellowed now (of no small part to NS and a testing 2007 so far) as compared to then, there are still people that I keep close to my heart, that I know true love sustains my passion and stretches my ability to care.

Speaking from a third person point of view, I slowly witnessed how much my buddy has changed lives, not only mine, but others too. And to battle the same feelings that I had of not being loved until I received ‘visible’ and ‘tangible’ reciprocation of love. To top it off, the things that we pull off top the last one each time. But the eventually realisation of the fact that the El Shaddai is the one who sustains me, who makes every SINGLE of my actions and thoughts count, that some time, some day, at an ordinary moment of somebody that God decided to make special, and give the person some epiphany. I would be glad that God has used every single part of me, my words and actions, to touch somebody else, to give my actions meaning by letting their purpose and effects transcends time.

Knowing that is more than I need already. And don’t worry, I’m glad I heard your ranting. : ) There are many many things that you can do with others but only those few you can do with me bud. *grinz. Don’t take things too literal and too hard. Ignorance is equally as bad as the lack of innocence. It is unfair to demand that we go back to the extreme of being innocent like a child, but rather, pray for the ability to discern, manage and protect the loved ones around us. And be glad that we are still able to think and talk this way despite the pressure of the world around us.

Be the number one for the people you loved. Remember that!